Balance and moderation are two things that I often find myself at odds with. I have never truly found myself near the middle of the intensity spectrum. I always seem to live closer to the extremes, either guns blazing or sedated and tuned out. If I find something that grabs me I put all of my energy into it and if I am at odds with something I shut it out. When you approach life like this is does not leave much energy for anything in between and you miss out on quite a bit that may not be super spectacular but that do have wonderful merits that can enrich your daily existence and provide contentment. In addition, when you are going full throttle there is no time to stop and be present; and, when you are sedated and in hibernation the world passes you by.
One of the things that I have been trying very hard to focus on lately is achieving more balance and moderation. My body is good at reminding me that I cannot go full throttle anymore and that if I am to achieve the running and fitness goals that I desire I need to be mindful of what my body is telling me. If that means taking days off to allow proper recovery so that I can have more qualitative runs, then I need to acknowledge this and not be bullish and run a bunch of junk miles just to see an X on the calendar. Recovery does not mean sitting on your ass eating nachos. Recovery done right means paying attention to the needs of your physical and mental needs in such a way that you come back to the next run a little bit stronger. For me this usually means a good amount of rolling, range of motion exercises, strength work, meditation, and making sure that what I eat, and drink is going to have a positive effect on muscle growth and recovery.
There are also those days where I struggle more with my depression. This makes it extremely difficult to get motivated. Sometimes running helps and sometimes I just need to take time to truly look inside myself and recognize what it is that is bothering me. What is causing this sadness, anxiety, anger, or feeling of worry? There are days when it is more important that I address these things than to try and shove them into a box and act like they will magically disappear. Trust me, they never disappear; and, the next time you open that box to peek inside they spring out like a jack in the box and knock you on your ass. These feelings never get easier to deal with by ignoring them with diversion. They only intensify. You have to face them and give them the attention that they crave, address their origin, and figure out how to calm their negative energy and transform it into a source of positive energy that you can use to your benefit; and, much to the benefit of all of those in your life that are so affected by your imbalances. Nobody else is going to deal with your box of shit. It will always be waiting for you in that dark corner that you stuffed it in until you trip over it again. As a runner I can tell you that I do not like tripping on shit because it can cause me to pull something and have to take even more time off from the trails, so it is best to clear the path of shit before it gets really hard to navigate around.
There is no doubt that keeping things balanced is no easy task. We often overdo the things that make us feel good and ignore the really difficult and mundane but necessary things. The funny thing is that when we finally buckle down and tackle the mundane but necessary things it feels really good and makes us lighter and freer to do the things that we really love. It is like strapping that box of foul shit on your back and trying to act like it isn’t there while trudging along wondering why everything you do is a little more difficult and a little less enjoyable. Maybe it is because you feel something jabbing into your shoulder blades. Maybe it is because you are breathing heavier and having to exert more energy. Maybe it is because something really stinks and you cannot figure out what it is. If you just stop and deal with that box of shit, when you get back to moving forward again life feels much less arduous and you can breath again because it doesn’t stink anymore. So much of the time when I am carrying unnecessary pain around I find that I am barely breathing. My body and mind are so tied up in knots that I am just one big conflicted mess. I have to stop and recognize what is happening otherwise the knots just get tighter. It is much easier to undo a knot when it first starts forming than after time has passed and made it tighter and tighter. You know this to be true if you have ever ignored a knot in your shoelaces. Over time it gets so burdensome that you just pry your shoes off without even addressing the knot or grab the scissors.
I am very aware now when I am running unburdened versus when I am running to divert myself from dealing with my internal pain. If I tracked my heart rate on my runs I would most likely find that it is much higher and my effort much greater when I have not released myself of this internal suffering before running. When I first address the burden that I am dragging around and then go run I feel much more balanced and it does not take all of my energy to power through what should generally by a more calm and relaxed effort. It is when I listen to my heart and address its needs that I can truly run free and coexist as a source of energy rather than a constant consumer of others.
Running from myself 